1. |
Blame
02:17
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He’s gone again tonight where is your car
His empty bed is weighing on your heart
You pace the floor you’re waiting for his call
But you will not receive it
The pain will light the way
The shame will find you
Still I can’t stop this weight from bearing down upon you
The pain will light the way
The shame will find you
Still I can’t shake this saviour complex clinging to you
Watching you grow smaller each day
Withered down to nothing but pain
I’ve been waiting I’ve been worried
I’ve been patient it’s not easy
Find a place to hide
A place away from light
A place to crawl inside
To rest your head
Where blame can’t find you
Find a place to hide
A place away from light
A place I still can’t find
Where you for once feel safe
The pain will light the way
The shame will find you
Still I can’t lift this weight from bearing down upon you
The pain will light the way
The shame will find you
A maternal bond and an open heart still couldn’t relieve the searing
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2. |
Loss
03:28
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You let it in
It passed right through you like an arrow
And made it’s home
Between your lungs and in your marrow
In search of words to say
I’ve conjured nothing silence deafens
In search of words to say
I’ve conjured nothing silence deafens
In breathing in your sigh I found the words I should have said
Straddled by the weight of it all
In breathing in your sigh I found the words I should have said
Strangled by the weight of your loss
You let it in
It passed right through like an arrow
Encaged your glow
Concaved your chest and flayed you narrow
In search of words to say
I’ve conjured nothing silence deafens
In search of words to say
I’ve conjured nothing silence deafens
In breathing in your sigh I found the words I should have said
Straddled by the weight of it all
In breathing in your sigh I found the words I should have said
Strangled by the weight of your loss
I loathe the pain
I hate this weight
I hate this feeling
Loathe the pain
I hate this weight
I hate this feeling
And it continues to get worse
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3. |
Pride
02:48
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You're stuck in a bind
Maintaining steady in decline
The art of pride
Erodes progressively
Bear the weight
Demonstrate
The illusion of restraint
Fetishize self-abuse
The effort's gone and the pressure's formed a noose
When will it be enough
The pressure's on you couldn't turn it off
When will it be enough
You couldn't find a way
Because you're stuck in a bind
Deriving comfort when you hide
Draw the blinds
Start sifting through your shame
It won't relent
Your will is spent
You've found sense in violence
To abuse
To confuse
What is meaningful and what tightens your noose
When will it be enough
The pressure's on I couldn't turn it off
When will it be enough
I found a new way to heal
I'll pick the scars 'til I feel
Restrain my spite and exercise control over the growing shame
Your spear in my side
I'm falling on my sword
And though I couldn't find a way I swear I'm coming home
When will it be enough
The pressure's on you couldn't turn it off
When will it be enough
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4. |
Comfort
02:52
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You spit it out
And watched it starving at your feet
You couldn’t sleep
You couldn’t eat
You couldn’t breathe
You said it all before
You said it all before
It lost it’s sting
You’ve said it all before
Find comfort on the floor
In giving in
Diluting all you’ve learned to hide
Acceptance trailing far behind
I’m perfectly fine
Standing in line
Growing acceptance for ever receding enjoyment
You spit it out
And watched it starving at your feet
You couldn’t sleep
You couldn’t eat
You couldn’t breathe
Standing in line
I’m perfectly fine
Content and complacent
I’m perfectly fine
Wanting and waiting
I’m perfectly fine
Finding shade in the alcove
I’m perfectly fine
All the while
Searching for something
Some reason some meaning
In what it is to suffer when you do not feel you deserve it
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5. |
Body
04:15
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I will find a way
To fix this body
To feel something different
Wanting all reprieve from time it’s carving burning searing
Rending forth
My eyes are scalpels sawing through the sutures
Bracing for decline and fearing that there is no other way
Chemical release I’ve lost the will to mend
I will find a way
To fix this body
To feel something different
I watched it fall into a crevice where I couldn’t reach it
So trite and so banal
All effort still feels aimless
Malevolence will elicit some sense of feeling
Unyielding urge for penitence without a meaning
I can’t unfeel it
I can’t erase it all
The thought won’t leave me
No strength no fight no love no will
No
It’s a tremor that never leaves
It’s a stain on my memory
It’s a fetish for misery
I will find a way
It’s a hammer across my teeth
It’s a stain on my memory
I will chisel an effigy
I will find a way
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6. |
Rabbit
02:27
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Full moon tonight
Reflection in the sky
Last train arrives
To the states, while they fight
She sends me off
With a soft prayer and a kiss goodbye
Everything’s gonna be alright
Right?
Grocero’s what you said to me
Pendejo is what you think of me
Braceros what you gave to me
Baboso’s what you said to me
Un Payaso is what you made of me, but
Bracero’s what you gave to me
It’s what you gave to me
I’ve made a mistake
Can the Virgen
Protect me from this
I’ve made mistake
Save me
It’s a cycle I’ll have to bear
But I’m on my knees praying for rain
So that a river can form and take me back home
Endless work that we provide
Why
But we end up getting denied
Why
Grocero’s what you said to me
Un Payaso is what you made of me, but
Bracero Bracero Bracero
Is what you gave to me
Me
Me
Me
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7. |
Mercy
03:25
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Take your time
I’m leaving but I’ll see you shortly
The meds are fine
They keep at bay the pain that binds me
I’m biding time
I’ll regain my strength in my own way
And i'll be fine
I’ll see you when I come to Broadway
Declining unwinding
And do you hear me laughing when I’m not there
Declining unwinding
Would you stay with me a while just sit there
What do you want me to say
Can you hear me laughing when I’m not there
There’s nothing left
Would you stay with me awhile
Take your time I understand that you’ve been busy
I’m doing fine
But if you find the time come see me
Or call the line your voice is something I’ve been missing
But pay no mind
I’ll see you soon please don’t forget me
Declining unwinding
And do you still hear me laughing when I’m not there
Declining unwinding
Would you stay with me a while just sit there
What do you want me to say
Can you hear me laughing when I’m not there
There’s nothing left
Would you stay with me a while
Choking on your mercy
I’m choking on your mercy
Ativan and morphine
I’m choking on your mercy
I’m choking on your mercy
Choking on your mercy
Ativan and morphine
I’m choking on your mercy
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8. |
Panacea
03:32
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Take my take my time
I’ll weigh the options patiently
Take my I’ll take my time
And wait for a panacea from
Unending blight
A stranglehold
My penchant for complete control
A desperate plea
For something more
For solid ground again
And I can’t explain it all to you
A nameless plight
A shapeless void
The pressure cracks are new
I’m waiting for it to subside
Some respite for a wounded pride
A desperate plea
For something more
For solid ground again
Walking through this yet again
A song to soothe this head again
Walking through this yet again
It’s fallen through
Take my take my time
I’ll weigh the options patiently
Take my I’ll take my time
And wait for a panacea from
Unending blight
A stranglehold
A failure to release control
A mounting weight
A scathing truth
That will never relent
And I can’t explain it all to you
A nameless plight
A shapeless void
The pressure cracks are new
I’m waiting for it to subside
Some respite for a wounded pride
Some desperate plea
For something more
For solid ground again
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